21st Century Cosmodemonic

A jandal from the inside

Friday, October 21, 2005

Lunchtime Questions

Lunch today in the Hall of Bad Food raised a lot of questions without really answering any hunger-related issues:
  • Why oh why do I keep coming here for lunch, knowing that no matter what I order there's no better than a ten percent chance it will be edible in any more than the most superficial sense of the word?
  • Why isn't there actually any where better for the million or so 21CCd employees who share my buildings to eat?
  • Why don't they care?
  • Why am I a lone island of cultural, culinary and cuticular class in a morass of indifference, a swampy sludge of saddenned superficiality, stained with a singularly strange sobriety and stupidity of spirit?
  • What have cuticles got to do with anything, and am I over rating them?
  • Can you go too far with alliteration?
  • Would anyone notice a hunger strike, or would I be carted away from my desk after three months, when someone finally noticed the smell that was my skinny rotting corpse?
  • Is it possible that Dr Phil has hit a new low with a show about a woman who is scared of throwing up, or was he already as low as a 21CCd executive's moral judgement?
  • Will they notice this time if I go to the pub for the afternoon?
  • Should I have had that 5th... no was it 6th... shot of hard liquor?
  • Am I too juiced up on the hooch to go back to work?
  • Am I juiced up enough on the hooch to go back to work?
  • Why is everyone looking at me funny?
  • Why do I have three computers, I used to have one, didn't I?
  • Where can I hide?
  • Can they hear me whimper under here?

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You'd be an excellent candidate for employment at Winkyshock, Inc.

4:25 am  
Blogger Lackey said...

Hear that, everyone? "Excellent." Thank you very much anonymous, that's the nicest thing anyone's said to me all day. Vodka-Legs doesn't talk much, you see.

More relevantly, 21st Century Cosmodemonic is in fact a strategic partner of Winkyshock, Inc. Which as far as I can tell means they share a certain je ne sais quoi, that indescribable something that makes you want to chew your arm off and flee for the hills to lick your wounds, but instead keeps you coming back, day after day, trying to understand why.

So that's nice. Perhaps all the employees can gather together at christmas and bitch about the lack of christmas parties we get. Or we could have an exchange program. They can have the Petty Cash Gnome, we'll take Vinnie to give our cubicles a make over. Actually, we'll throw in Young Eddie on that deal, too...

2:32 pm  

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