Rules of Office Etiquette IV

An illustrative story, from your pal the Lackey.

I went to the loo. As you do, sometimes. However, this particular time, I decided to combine the loo break with a general lunch break, mostly so I could take a long lunch break with a ready-made excuse if anyone asked. ("Oh, yes, I did take quite a while for lunch I suppose, but you see, I was in the toilet for the first half hour or so. So.") So, because I was going to go downstairs and eat whatever I could find claiming to be food in these parts, I needed to take the newspaper with me. So I could do the sudoku, you understand. Nothing to do with a general knowledge of current events or what's going on in hollywood, don't worry.

Anyhoo, in a moment of rash common sense, I left the paper sitting on a big-arse wheelie-bin while I went in to do my business. So no one would think I was going to the loo to read the paper see. Since I wasn't. After I've washed my hands and I'm wandering out, Moustache Man wanders in. Holding a paper. I congratulated myself, because I certainly thought I'd busted him going in to read the paper on the loo for the next half hour or so, and no-one had busted me for anything for minutes now.

My mood changed when I turned the corner and found my paper was gone. I had a sinking feeling that I knew just where it had gone, too. Later on, I found the paper, back where I had left it. Suffice to say, I decided to buy another copy.

So, new Rules of Office Etiquette:

• If you see something lying around in the office environment, at least wait five minutes before nicking it, in case the owner has just popped to the toilet.
• If you're taking the paper to lunch, you might as well take it into the toilet on the way. It's safest, and you just might learn something. Or save a buck.
• It is silly to leave something safely on top of a recycling bin, and expect it to be there when you get back.
• Dude, don't return a paper you stole after you've touched it with hands that just wiped your bum. That's gross.