Pirate Shirt

I ran out of morphine tablets today, so I rang the Cute Nurse.

"Hello, sick room, the Cute Nurse speaking."
"Hey baby, how's it hanging?"
"Oh it's you. Lackey. How can I help you today, man child?"
"I'll ignore that remark and give you a chance to redeem yourself. I was thinking I might pop down in a bit, and grab some more morphine from the cupboard, just to keep me going you know. It's fine, I'm not addicted, I can stop anytime I like, I just feel like a hit is all. So I was wondering if nurse Battleaxe is around?"
"Why do I need to redeem myself if you already ignored my subtle insult? And no, she's not around, she's not in all day, in fact. Christmas holidays start early for battleaxes."
"Not in all day. Right. I'll be down shortly then... say, that means we'll be alone in the sick room, you me, drugs and a bed. Whaddya say we have a party?"
"I grew out of that mindset in my teens. It's kind of sad in what should be a grown man you know. And I do have a boyfriend you know."
"So you keep saying. But I never see him. I think he’s imaginary. You made him up because you’re scared of the power of your attraction to me, and what you might do if you allow yourself off of this tight leash. And I understand. Sheer animal lust is intimidating. But you don’t need to worry. I’ll be gentle."
"Uh, yeah, that’s it all right. You read my mind."
"Like an open book, baby. Large print, lots of photos."
"But, come to think of it - hmm - what the hell. He’s been pissing me off lately. Come on down, you've been wanting to for a long time, haven’t you? And you’ve been looking so fucked up from all your parties I almost feel sorry for you. What the hell."
"Uh – what?"
"Come on down. Let’s do it."
"Now?"
"Now."
"Berightthere."

…

"HeyImherewhysthedoorlockedletmein."
"Hold on a tick. Let me just hide the good stuff… And… come on in."
"Uh, hi. So. How’s it going."
"Hi Lackey…. What the hell are you wearing?"
"Whaddya mean?"
"That thing you’re wearing. What is it."
"My pirate shirt."
"Well get it out of here. It’s disgusting."
"What? But…"
"Honestly, it’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen in this room, and you’ve been in here a lot. Here’s some drugs, please just you and that thing better get out of here, and stay away for God’s sake. It’s hideous!"
"But… No… What about…"
"Oh, you can forget about it. It’s going to take me a long time to block this image out. Yeesh. And my boyfriend just sent me flowers and chocolates. I don’t eat chocolate but it still counts. He’s in the good books for at least a week. What are you doing still here? Ewww, go go go!"
"But… no… don’t… you locked me out!? Damn! One day, Cute Nurse, one day."