21st Century Cosmodemonic

A jandal from the inside

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

The best site on all the interwebs today

and the award goes to... Collision Detection for two consecutive headlines:

Jellyfish Invasion!


Telepresence paintball game lets you shoot chicks in bikinis over the Internet

Thus combining technology, scantily clad women, guns, monsters from the deep, potential apocalypse and the internet into two brilliant stories.

I attempted to beat him by emailing C21Cosmodemonic's R&D area, suggesting we get super-intelligent dolphins, arm them with lasers, release them into the sewage system to swim to the houses of late paying customers and blast their clothes off, and webcast for a small charge until the billing difference is recouped.

They said they'd considered it, but decided the dolphins blowholes would clog too easily, resulting in high turnover, and some people actually leave the toilet seat down. They're currently working on a new breed of dolphin, and behavioural modification technology is getting better every day, so sit tight.


Anonymous anonymous pretender said...

I like the way you think, Lackey, alot. However I would have thought that rather than going through all the rigmarole of breeding new and improved super intelligent dolphins, mayhap you could just hire some ready-limbed clothes blasting homeless people, thus avoiding the hazards to dolphins of marinating in human waste and closed toilet seats, while at the same time addressing an important social issue? Yes, and I've spent too long on this comment already.

11:34 am  
Blogger Lackey said...

You think you're on to something, Pretender, and sure, it's a good theory. Hiring ready-limbed clothes blasting vagrants seems logical. In practice, however, your idea is unworkable.

Cosmodemonic long ago diverted all it's ready-limbed homeless resources to other even more profitable revenue streams. For example, 21CCd's Big Issue sales are sky rocketing, and the pretense that homeless peope get the profits is what keeps this so called charity alive. In fact, the "dwelling-free resources" don't need homes as 21CCd pumps them full of meth and smack so they can work 24 hours a day with no need of sleep nor food, and all the hobos get to keep is their lives. So we won't get to use them to blast clothes of late paying customers.

Thanks for the thought though.

9:24 am  

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