21st Century Cosmodemonic

A jandal from the inside

Monday, October 31, 2005

Office Immutable Laws

A new series, where we examine the universal laws of the Office, those facets of behaviour and structure which do not vary building to building, city to city, country to country. Sit tight and I'll give you the good OILs.

LACKEY'S THEORY OF SEXUAL ATTRACTION

Any two colleagues who sleep together will soon be coincidentally moved by management to work very nearby each other, thus making every walk to the photocopier, kitchen or filing cabinet much more awkward than was foreseen at the time of the encounter.

COROLLARY: LACKEY'S FRIENDLY REPULSION HYPOTHESIS

The chances of two people being moved x distance apart from each other is equal to (f/b)*(cA+cB)/2 where c is not the speed of light, but the coolness coefficiant, A and B are the two colleagues, f is the friendship strength, and b is the maximum possible friendship strength (called bestfriendship) and x is the maximum possible reasonable move (MPRM) distance as calculated in some future theorem which I might call Lackey's Theory of General Movability.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's fantastic to see that mathematics degree finally being put to good use. Well done, chap...well done.

11:52 am  
Blogger Lackey said...

Well, thank you very much my friend, but yuse mathematics all the time in my daily life, for example differentiation. I use it to tell the difference between a pizza and a frisbee. And I use trigonometry to calculate the optimal angle to walk from the toilets to the snack bar, avoiding both the boss coming out of the lifts and the smelly colleague approaching the toilets.

4:23 pm  

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