21st Century Cosmodemonic

A jandal from the inside

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

New Contract

I was offered a new contract today. It was nice, really. My boss rang and said Lackey, “I’m tired of you being a glorified temp,” which was the point at which I realised that I’m a glorified temp.

“Lackey,” he continued, “Why don’t I have my law guy draft up a contract to get you proper contract with all the benefits, GBD’s, quarterly negotiations, all that jazz, what do you say?”
“Uh, sure boss, sounds great.” Of course my suspicions were already raised, since I don’t know what GBD stands for. “Just send it to me, and I’ll have a look at it.”
“Well it would really speed the process up if you could just fax your signature to me, and I’ll append it to the document once we’ve got it approved. How ‘bout it?”
“Look boss, I don’t really think it works that way with contracts… sounds weird.”
“Weird huh? Are you telling me that my business practices are flawed, you know I’ve written books on my business practices. And you have some sort of problem with them? What are you trying to say?”
“Uh, no – nothing, boss, I obviously have been misinformed, I’d love to fax you my signature right away… Oh, you know what, unfortunately, our fax machine is broken. Remember it broke at the end of last financial year, and the repair budget only covers things that occur this financial year. So it’s sort of just sitting there, actually, sometimes we use it as wickets.”
“So you can’t send a fax?”
“Nope, sorry.”
“Right, damn it. Well, look, that sort of ruins the surprise, but tell you what, how about I send a copy down to you. Just do me a favour, and don’t read it, just sign the last page and send it back to me. Okay? Can you do that for your old boss? Then it’ll still be a surprise for you when we unveil it. It’s important.”
“Um, sure boss. Okay. Will do.”

Funnily, when the contract arrived, I read it, and learned quite a lot about my boss’s mind. GBD = good behaviour day, which he can award me if I humiliate myself to his pleasure.

In the end I signed it. The conditions were a slight step up from my current ones.


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