21st Century Cosmodemonic

A jandal from the inside

Monday, January 23, 2006

Operation Alibi: Kitsch

Those of you with the slightest awareness of current pop culture events will know there is currently a huge, very kitsch Chuck Norris revival. This follows on from, and complements nicely, the Mr. T revival of 2005.

However, it turns out that claiming to have been caught in the middle of a bare-knuckle brawl between the two, with Mr. T saying "I pity the fool who thinks he can take over from me in the kitsh revival stakes, hell I only just got ahead of the Hoff to number one, and I ain't giving it up!" and Chuck sending out roundhouse kicks left right and center (all at once which is pretty good, considering he appears to have only two legs) and obviously I had to talk to the two of them, get them to see eye to eye, give them a joint to chill them out, and before you know it we were all giggling together like school girls and they were both just so relieved that all of that competitiveness had lifted from their shoulders, so they could pursue their first loves, which incidentally were watercolours and dyi renovations, but I promised not to say whose was watercolours, so I walked them into town and showed them where they could buy paint and power tools and left them to go into business together in a watercolour house venture, hence saving the rest of the decade from what would have been an intensely uncool era of kitsch-wars! doesn't hold water as an excuse for being late to work on a Monday.

Don't bother trying a "stung by a new species of waspfish" routine either.

In fact, stick to the tried and true "Morning!" with a big bright smile, acknowledging nothing before you slip under your desk into the fetal position and wait for late.

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